The Bewb Post

My new friend Dru (who is pretty awesome by the way), posted a blog entry about her lack of boobs and how it makes her feel and rather than leave her a length comment about how the other side lives, I thought it be easier if I did my own blog entry about having too much boobs and how it makes me feel.

Like Dru, my family has made fun of the size of my breasts as long as I can remember. The difference? Instead of making fun of me for not having anything, I was made fun of for having too much.

“Did they grow again?” “Damn! What are you eating?” etc….

On top of teasing from my family, there was school.

Being the only girl in the 7th grade that is a C cup gets attention. For wrong reasons. I was almost immediately labeled easy because I had boobs. Newsflash: big boobs does not a slut make. So, I became a “weird” girl so that people would not pay attention to me. It worked. A little bit anyway.

By high school I was a D cup and boys had started making bets “behind my back” about my boobs. Who could guess the right size? Who could cop a feel? Who could get me topless in an upstairs band practice room? I found out because one of the guys had the cojones to come up to me one day and say, “Hey, Alice…help me win a bet. What’s your bra size?” I definitely grew a complex in high school over my boobs.

How would you feel if you were walking to class and random guys would reach out and pinch your nipple and before you could turn to do anything, whoever had done it was lost in the sea of bodies in the hallways? Exactly. Nothing to do but nurse the hurt quietly and go to class feeling cheap.

During my time at KU I grew more comfortable in my skin. I was a D cup and people commented a lot on the size of boobs, but by this time my skin was thick enough that I could ignore it like it was nothing. I couldn’t change my boobs, so I simply embraced them.

It seemed/seems that every time I go into a bra store for a new bra…my bra size kept getting bigger.

Suddenly, I was a DD.

Insecurity spread through me the way the warmth of a cup of cocoa seeps into your bones on a cold night.

It was bad enough that I’ve never known the ease of going braless or wearing one of those tank tops with the built in bras. I’d already given up the dream of wearing a cute lace bra or a bra with funky colors or polka dots/stripes.

And then I became a Triple D.

Who knew that size even existed??

Now the only colors my bras come in are white, cream and black. Occasionally red or gray, but not often. I can only go to Lane Bryant/Cacique for my bras where I am only comfortable in one of the many styles they carry. Now I spend an average of $50 per bra — cause more material means the price goes up.

Needless to say, I currently have one bra that fits…and two that are a bit snug…cause I just don’t have the money to keep buying bras when my boobs continue to freaking grow!

Not only do I deal with the teasing, but now bras are something I have to budget for.

Then summer rolls around.

All the bathing suits come out to play, but I don’t get to wear them, because while the bottoms may fit, the tops don’t. One pieces either fit at the top and are loose at the bottom or vice versa. The ones in “big girl” stores are too big.

Just because I have big boobs, does not mean I am a big girl. I have an average body. It’s just the boobs that are out of control.

So I “special” order my bathing suits online and I do this every year because by next summer, my boobs will have grown so I’ll need a new one.

I’ve thought a lot about breast reduction surgery. If I had the money, I’d do it in a heart beat. I’m not stupid. Even though I’ve never had a lot of back problems, I know it’s only a matter of time. It’s already uncomfortable to sleep. I can’t sleep on my sides, the weight is too much. Same when I sleep on my back. So I’m forced to sleep on my stomach so that I don’t choke myself to death in my sleep with my own cleavage.

If I could get the reduction surgery, I would. But I’m in college and held down with both the weight of my boobs and the amount of debt I’ve accrued to go to said college. I’d like to work out, because I’m sure they’d go down a teeny tiny bit (and every teeny tiny bit would help)…but sports bras don’t fit, my bra isn’t supportive enough for a work out and boob sweat is not attractive. Not to mention jumping/bouncing/running — that hurts.

So when I see girls getting surgery to make their boobs as big as mine or even bigger, I shake my head. It’s one things to have surgery to make your boobs a little bigger for a small self esteem boost, but going out of control and making yourself unproportionate — I hate to see that.

I was born unproportionate.

I’m 5’2″ with size 40DDD. I’m not stupid. People look at me and my torso is nearly invisible because I’m all boobs.

And I still endure the teasing.

If you have small or average or even big (cause face it, I’m not big, I’m ridiculous) boobs. Be happy with who you are and what you have. If you want surgery, do it if it’s what you truly want — but do not get ridiculous.

I know that someday I’ll get a reduction. I’ll have to. I want kids someday…and boobs only get bigger with pregnancy.

And I cannot stand to think of my boobs getting bigger.

Dru said one of her dreams is to work at Hooters.

My dream? To look proportionate.

[Dru posted pictures to illustrate her point. I was considering doing the same, but most of my pictures are from the shoulders up. There’s a reason for that..I get enough attention without needing to plaster my massive cleavage all over the interwebz.]

So what are you thoughts on itty bitty vs. big n’ busty?

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14 responses

  1. I was the first girl to get boobs in late 5th grade. I was also the last girl to wear a bra (which I found out when they made us all take our shirts off for a scoliosis screening at school. All the girls were in the nurse’s office and since “you’re all girls” they had us all take our tops off at once rather than one at a time behind a screen or something. (Yeah, I’m OLD and know they’d get SUED if they did that now). So, yeah, here I am, the only one with boobs and the only one NOT wearing a bra. Embarrassing? HELL YES. To have the school nurse write a note to your mom telling you she needs to get you a bra? I could have died. Being yelled at by my mom because she didn’t think I needed a bra (Mom is not even an A-cup) and that I had “gotten her in trouble” with the school (as if I had brought on this humiliation on purpose) yeah…. I had “issues” right away with my chest size.

    It was always a fight when I needed new bras because it was “a waste of money” because I’d “just” gotten new bras (6 months or so ago). I got told that I needed to just lose weight so we wouldn’t have to spend the money again.

    To this day, I’ve never had a bra that fit correctly and you’ll never catch me getting measured by someone because it brings back the whole “scoliosis test” nightmare again. I’ve spent my entire life avoiding being naked in front of anyone due to issues about size (not just boob size, body size, too).

    I do understand both the big and small chested gals arguments for augmentation/reduction (I used to spend HOURS bra shopping with my mom for bras for her). But I think that unless there’s a bona fide medical reason for changing your breast size, you’re probably best off dealing with whatever hand Mother Nature dealt you.

    August 6, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    • I feel for you.

      I try to be accepting of who I am and my body. But I know the day is going to come when they get even bigger (like because I’m pregnant..) and I’ll need to get them reduced or have terrible back pain. As it is, I don’t have a lot of back pain, but every once in a while I do, and I have to really struggle sometimes to sit up straight.

      August 6, 2010 at 9:01 pm

      • The problem would be that you would need to get it done either before you got pregnant (which might affect your ability to breastfeed – don’t know if that’s even a factor…) or after you were done with the baby thing (which might be the way to go because it’d be much easier to claim a medical necessity). I mean, if you are going to have surgery, why not have it at least partially covered by insurance rather than it being considered a “vanity” thing.

        I hope that you continue to not have problems, though. That would, of course, be the best all the way round.

        August 8, 2010 at 12:32 am

  2. Dru

    Wow…

    I suddenly feel very, very glad that I can host D&D in my living room in a sports bra and shorts without having to worry about things falling out.

    Thank you 🙂 I not only feel better about myself, I feel better about the size of breasts. I appreciate you guys. And I love that you responded to mine.

    I’m glad that I’m not on your side of the boob-fest.

    xx

    August 7, 2010 at 2:23 am

    • If I could loan you a cup size or two, I would certainly do that… you know, for special occasions and whatnot.

      August 8, 2010 at 12:29 am

      • dru

        LOL! I love it. And I very much appreciate the offer :p

        August 9, 2010 at 9:40 am

  3. No prob, Dru. It’s definitely an issue I’ve had my problems with.

    Overall, I am very comfortable with my body. I just know that someday, because of back problems most likely, the girls will have to go — or at least shrink. Preferably to a C cup.

    ….but hell, I’d even go smaller.

    August 7, 2010 at 10:57 am

  4. I love you and this is me hugging you :hug:

    August 7, 2010 at 7:03 pm

  5. Cid

    I remember being in 4th grade and having to buy a bra. I was a B cup in the 5th grade – and I didn’t change until college so it was a relief when at last I wasn’t pointed out for having cleavage. But I will never forget physically maturing faster than everyone else and having the girls at camp rip the shower curtain open to prove that I stuffed the bra – nope. Those were real – and so was the mortification at having 15 girls trying to see me nekkid.

    I will say this, because I think it’s the God’s honest truth. Alice, I’ve always thought you were the most naturally beautiful kind of girl. You just are stunning – and that has nothing to do with the shape of your body. You’re pretty, your personality is adorable, and I love you for you.

    If you want me to bedazzle a bra for you we could do that! Next Crafty Day maybe?

    August 7, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    • Cid, I seriously love you.

      August 7, 2010 at 7:35 pm

  6. Lyndsea

    Apparently there *are* sports bras that go all the way up in size, you just have to buy them online. Recommendations people have made: http://www.dailymile.com/forums/beginner-running/questions/397-for-the-girls-out-there-what-is-the-best-sports-bra-for-running

    August 8, 2010 at 12:00 pm

  7. I was a late bloomer and consider myself lucky that I even have a C cup where for a long time there, I was lucky to be an A.
    Growing up with two other sisters who matured much faster than I ever did, it was hard to watch as their figures became more feminine and voluptuous. We don’t all dip from the same gene pool, so it was almost like a game of chance to see who would end up looking like what. 😛
    But my youngest sister kept getting bigger. Alice, I dare say that she’s even bigger than you are. And she HAS had children, her second was born last April and her bewbs are very grandiose. I remember walking with her in the mall and someone was catcalling at Michelle. To my shock and horror, I found he was someone I had gone to elementary school with. So I look right at him and give him the fright of his life by calling him by name with my best schoolmarm voice and telling him to shut up. Michelle burst out laughing and him and his friend scurried off like the cockroaches they were.
    I later picked up a book called Sweet Memories by LaVyrle Spencer without knowing the premise ad it ended up being a women’s lit book about a woman with a hefty bra size and how she always hid under her clothes and couldn’t have a comfortable relationship without second guessing the other guy’s motivations towards her. It was pretty eye opening to read and I hold a certain respect for any woman with this problem.

    August 9, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    • dru

      You know, that is one thing I’ve always taken comfort in.

      If a guy is all “ooh, I really like you” I can usually almost immediately rule out “He’s in it for my hot body!” because I don’t have the uber-boobs of awesome/death.

      I like that you shouted at him 🙂 That makes me very, very happy.

      August 11, 2010 at 3:26 pm

  8. Cathy Divicenzo

    I’ve always hated my large breasts. When I was 13, 2 breast fixated classmates of mine, entrapped me into a cruel prank, which made for the worst day of my life.

    August 15, 2010 at 4:42 pm

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